Understanding Non-Prosocial Behaviours in Young Children: Nature, Nurture, and the Role of Parents and Educators
- Alto
- May 12
- 5 min read
Biting, hitting, pushing, yelling—these behaviours can alarm parents and educators, especially when they emerge in toddlers. But such behaviours are not signs of a “bad” child or ineffective parenting. Rather, they are part of a natural developmental phase. Understanding why these non-prosocial behaviours occur, and how we can guide children toward more positive responses, is key to supporting healthy emotional and social development.
This article explores the nature of early childhood behaviours that challenge social harmony, how these behaviours are shaped, and what families and early childhood educators can do to help children grow beyond them. Drawing from developmental psychology, social learning theory, and evidence-based parenting and education strategies, we offer insights and tools to support both children and the adults who care for them.
Challenging Behaviours Are a Natural Starting Point
Studies show that children begin to exhibit physical behaviours such as hitting or biting between 12 and 17 months of age. These behaviours often peak around age two and tend to decrease by school age when children develop language and emotional regulation skills. Importantly, this trajectory occurs even in nurturing, stable environments, showing that these behaviours are biologically typical rather than signs of a problem.
John Archer (2009) notes that such behaviours may be rooted in human evolutionary development. In the early years, young children act before they can fully reason or speak. When frustrated or seeking control, they often use physical means to express themselves.
The figure above shows that non-prosocial physical behaviours such as pushing, hitting, and kicking begin to appear before a child’s first birthday. According to mothers’ reports, these behaviours start to rise steeply between 12 and 17 months, with up to 80% of children showing at least one of these behaviours by 17 months of age. Figure 3 specifically highlights the cumulative onset rates for each behaviour, showing that pushing tends to emerge earliest and most frequently, followed by hitting and then kicking. Importantly, while these behaviours peak around the age of two—commonly referred to as the "terrible twos"—they typically decline steadily as children develop verbal skills, self-regulation, and social understanding. Figure 2 illustrates this decline across early and middle childhood, showing a consistent drop in frequency from ages 2 to 11. The decline is more pronounced in girls than boys, and boys are more likely to display these behaviours both occasionally and often. These patterns support the view that such behaviours are developmentally expected and not necessarily signs of lasting behavioural problems, especially when children are guided with consistent emotional and behavioural support (Tremblay et al, 1999).
Family Influence Comes First
Children are not blank slates—they come into the world with temperaments and impulses that influence how they interact with others from birth. Some children are naturally more laid-back and adaptable, while others are more intense, sensitive, or reactive. These temperamental traits are present early and are shaped by a combination of genetics and prenatal factors. A highly reactive toddler may be more prone to hitting or yelling when frustrated, not because they have learned it from someone, but because their threshold for emotional arousal is lower.
However, temperament is not destiny. While we cannot change a child’s natural disposition, we can influence how they manage and express it. This is where the family’s role becomes so important. Parents help children learn to navigate their internal experiences—like anger, jealousy, or excitement—and choose socially appropriate ways to respond. A child’s behaviour is the result of both their inborn tendencies and the environment they grow up in.
Research shows that responsive, consistent, and emotionally attuned parenting helps children of all temperaments learn self-regulation over time. When adults acknowledge children’s emotions, set appropriate boundaries, and model calm responses, children learn that even big feelings can be handled without resorting to non-prosocial behaviours like hitting or yelling.
The Role of Parents
Parents and caregivers are the most powerful influence in a child’s early years. Here are some evidence-based strategies grounded in approaches like Parent Effectiveness Training (P.E.T.) and other respectful communication models:
1. Model Positive Responses
Children copy what they see. Demonstrate calmness, respectful disagreement, and problem-solving.
2. Name the Emotion and Guide the Response
“I can see that you are upset that your toy was taken. It’s okay to be angry, but let’s use our hands for helping or holding.”
Helping children name feelings and learn acceptable responses builds emotional intelligence.
3. Set Clear and Consistent Expectations
Let children know what is and isn’t acceptable—and follow through consistently.
“If you throw toys, we take a break. When you’re ready to use them gently, you can try again.”
4. Reinforce Prosocial Behaviour
Celebrate small steps.
“You waited your turn— I liked how you were patient!”
Praise and encouragement help reinforce the behaviours we want to see more of.
5. Create a Predictable Routine
Children feel more secure when they know what to expect. This can reduce stress-related behaviours.
6. Use Non-Punitive Consequences Thoughtfully
If a child needs space to calm down, ensure it's a supportive, not isolating, experience. A quiet corner with sensory tools may be more effective than a traditional “time-out.”
The Vital Role of Early Childhood Educators
While family influence is primary, early childhood educators are also crucial partners in shaping children's behaviour. Educators see children interact in peer-rich settings, where behaviours like grabbing, yelling, or excluding peers often surface.
Educators can:
Reinforce family values and expectations through consistent responses and shared language.
Teach emotional regulation and social problem-solving in real-time, using role play, stories, and games.
Provide a calm and safe environment where children can learn from mistakes without shame.
Offer families support and feedback—not blame—when non-prosocial behaviours persist.
Educators bring expertise in child development and group dynamics, but their influence is complementary to, not a replacement for, family guidance.
Troubleshooting Tips
If behaviours are intense or don’t improve, seek support from a child psychologist or paediatrician. Some children need extra help to manage emotions.
If your own stress levels are high, connect with a parenting group, educator, or counsellor. You are not alone, and support makes a difference.
Celebrate progress, not perfection. Recognising small wins helps build confidence and motivation.
Non-prosocial behaviours in toddlers and preschoolers are not unusual—they’re part of growing up. But they are not inevitable or unchangeable. With the steady, consistent support of parents and educators, children can learn to express their needs, navigate frustration, and build empathy.
The path from hitting to helping, from yelling to listening, is paved with patience, structure, and love. Together, families and early childhood professionals can guide children from reactive to reflective, from impulsive to intentional, one day at a time.
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